My First Day Subbing!

Holy schnikes Batman!  What a crazy day.  So, I started substitute teaching today. I thought it would be third grade today, but I was wrong- that's tomorrow.  Today was Kindergarten!!!!

I wanted to make sure I arrived early enough to know where I was going and what I was doing, so I left an hour early.  I realized my car was on empty, so I stopped for gas in the ghetto.  I only got 5 gallons, because I was worried I'd have to beat somebody up for trying to steal my car and I didn't want to show up my first day with blood on my clothes.  So, I ended up getting to the school 20 minutes early.

I checked in to the front desk and asked the questions I was instructed: 1) how do you call the office if there's a problem and 2) what's the bell schedule?.  The woman behind the counter looked at me with glazed eyes.  "I don't know," she says.  "It will be o.k."  "Alright," I say, "is there a lesson plan?"  "Probably."  Geesh! "O.k., is the door unlocked?"  This prompted her to hand me a key tied to a cow bell and a large plastic serving spoon.  Sigh.

So I walk down the hall, unlock the door and bring back the key.  They class room was in total chaos.  Stuff everywhere, trash on the floor.  Yikes!  I look for the lesson plan and find nothing.  So I spent twenty minutes walking around trying to observe what the students must have been working on to try to come up with a plan (everything I printed last night in case of such emergency was for 3rd grade).  Then, a woman walks in and hands me some paper and leaves.  The paper basically said this:

     Thanks for coming.

1. The students sit in the hall until 8:20- they must take their assignment books out before they can come in the class;
2. 8:35 the Pledge of Allegence and Announcements
3. 9:00 write the "message of the day" found on the overhead
4. 9:15-11:15- talk about the letter N
5. 11:20 - 11: 55 lunch
6. 12:15 - 12:55 media center
7. do math worsheet
8. when you go out to play, use the back door
9. pack up at 2:20- Ms. So-and-so will help you.

O.k.  So, 8:20- no one had their notebooks out.  Everyone wanted to hug me on the way in.  However, all the subs for the 163 Duval County Schools work for Kelly Services, and the policy is no touching a student, their clothes or their belongings.  When an elementary student touches you, you're supposed to do "Happy Hands", which is where you shake your hands in the air on either side of your shoulders, smile, and tell the child to go get you a book.  So I "Happy Handed" my way through introductions.  We said the pledge, and everyone talked through the announcements, so I missed something about the playground being closed today.  Then, a parent came in and told me that today was Thanksgiving lunch, so all the parents would be coming in to visit with their kids.  Sigh.

When we went to write the "message of the day", all the kids starting yelling that it was the wrong message.  "Too bad," I said.  "This is what we're writing."  That's when rotten kid number 1 started to show i

his behind.  He refused to participate, refused to sit down, started laughing hysterically, and humming as loud as he could.   Remember the no-touching policy?  It includes no strangling. Steam started coming out of my ears.  I tried my best to ignore him, after he was un-phased by me moving his color clip from green to yellow to red.  The threat of a note to the teacher or a trip to the principal also got me nowhere.  Being that I didn't know how to call the office, I wasn't allowed to leave the classroom unattended and didn't want to look like a wimp my first hour, I chose to talk over him.  This behavior lasted all the way through discussing the letter N for 2 hours.  

At this point, another unknown person came in and sat down and said she was there to help me.  Did they have cameras?  She said she was impressed because the students were behaving much better for me than for their regular teacher.  What?!?

So we made it through lunch.  Then we had to make a book.  Only half the class knew how to use scissors.  

Then, we made it through math and everything else, while rotten students 2, 3, 4 and 5 emerged.  In the meantime, many parents showed up to watch the chaos.  

I've never seen such a three ring circus.  They fall out of their chairs, throw things on the floor so they can get out of their seats, spit on each other, cry, pick their noses, hug each other constantly, and tattle every other sentence.

Finally, the end of the day came.  I read stories, and magically, everyone was quite.  I thought I was in the clear for the day.  The only thing remaining was recess.  That's when one student try to run away, and two boys got in a shoving match and hurt a little girl and one of them burst the other one's lip.  Sigh.....

Finally, they all went home. I wrote my notes for the teacher, praying I wouldn't get a notice that I'm not allowed to go back to that school.  Don't laugh- for real they have what's called "Do Not Send" notices.  Get three and you get fired.

So I went to the office to check out.  The mysterious woman who came to help me told me I did a really good job.  The principal was there.  She said she heard that, too.  So, maybe I did o.k. after all.

Tomorrow is third grade.  We'll see how that goes.  For now, I'm going to consume my glass of Merlot and enjoy the silence.

Happy Hands!!!!