Take this Turkducken and Stuff It

Why are holidays so stressful?

After having company for a week and trying to Christmas shop without going broke, Christmas Eve finally arrived.  The day before, Roger and I picked up our turkducken.  This is a turkey, stuffed with a chicken, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with jumbalaya.  I half listened as the man explained to Roger how to cook it.

So I got up yesterday and went to work.  I called Roger before I was due to leave, and found out that he was sightseeing and eating out with his family.  I asked if they had picked up the groceries for whatever else we were having for dinner, and they had not.

Fearing that the store would close early for Christmas Eve, I made a mad dash.  One hundred and twenty five dollars later, I came home an put the 19 pound monster bird in the oven and started working on the rest of the meal.  We were scheduled to eat at 8:00.

Around 6:00 I checked the bird, and it looked like there was no progress.  So, I read the directions again.  What I originally read was "cook for four hours at 250 and make sure the internal temperature reaches 165 for 5 minutes."

What it actually said was "cook for four hours at 250, insert the meat thermometer and season bird, then COOK FOR THREE MORE HOURS until the internal temperature reaches 165 for at least five minutes, then let the bird rest for 30 MINUTES!!!!!"  Holy sh**!!!!!  Quick mental calculation- I put the beast in at 3:30, it needed to cook for 7 HOURS and then rest for 30 minutes.........Eleven O'Clock?!!??!   Red bells and sirens started going off in my head.

As damage control, I advised everyone of my mistake right away so we could come up with plan B.  Nope.  They wanted to wait.  And, my husband kept assuring them it would be ready at 9:30.  So, I jacked up the temperature and prayed really hard.

So, at 9:30, I turned around and everyone had found a place at the table.  "Roger!!," I whispered frantically, "IT'S STILL NOT DONE JUST LIKE I SAID IT WOULDN'T BE DONE."  "That's o.k." he says and turns to everyone and says, "It will be ready in fifteen minutes.  We're going to eat salad now."   Doh!!

So in an effort to stall things, I pulled out as many salad makings as I could find.  Three kinds of lettuces, four kinds of bell peppers, tomatoes, cheese, jalapeno chips, croutons, peperocinis, black olives, and a whole bunch of salad dressing choices (so people would have to take time and think about which one they wanted).  Well, that lasted all of 5 minutes, and some of the family didn't even like salad.  So, I brought out the only other dish that was ready the mac and cheese.  That bought me another 3 minutes.

In the end, the bird never reached 165, but it cooked for 7 hours at 100 to 150 degrees higher than the directions.  Everyone liked it but me (and Roger's niece).  It's kind of like boiled peanuts (a story for another day)- I never want to see a turducken again!!!

After dinner, we waited until midnight, put baby Jesus in the nativity, opened the champagne, then opened presents.  I'm happy that Roger's family was able to have their first Christmas with the entire family together.  I hope that's what they remember instead of my lousy dinner.

(Oh, yeah, and in haste to get dinner on the table, I don't even have a picture of the cooked turducken.  Sorry!  Stories are always better with pictures.)