Loneliness

Today, I feel a profound sense of loneliness.  (Every time I hear the word profound, I visualize my mother secretly smiling as she once told me the story of how one of her high school teachers told her she was profound.  She was very proud of that.  She, like many other people I know, still relish high school memories.  I, on the other hand, try very hard to forget high school.)  Anyway, as usual, I digress.

So I spent all day at work, not saying a word, and no one noticed me.  The only people who acknowledged me all day were the receptionist and the parking lot attendant.  I got home, and there was no concierge at the desk.  Roger and I went out and had a drink, and no one paid attention to us.

Then, we went to bed, and Roger went to his dreamland where he, too, dreams of high school, and his family, and his own personal ghosts.

So, at midnight, I went for a walk.  I still couldn't find anyone to talk to.  There were no homeless people, no security guard, no anybody.  Where is everyone?  I don't really talk to my family.  I'm not in close contact with my friends.  And my son is in his own world. The silence is deafening.

I don't really have much to say.  I don't want to talk about the world, or politics, or the news, or money, or work, or family.  I just want to talk about something mindless and happy.

Even here on my blog, I ramble on, most days, and there is silence.  I know people read this, because I can watch how many views I have. I don't see any names, but I know the views come from far off places, like the Philippines, Russia, and Germany.  But no one says a word to me.

So, I tried to take a scalding hot shower to scrub off my loneliness, but it didn't work.  I scrubbed my teeth.  I put on fresh p.j.'s but the feeling is still here.

I guess I'll just go listen to music and try to think about what happened in peoples lives to inspire them to write their lyrics.

And one last thought- why does everybody do the same thing? We all get up at relatively the same time. Most everyone eats three meals a day.  Everyone watches some t.v. and browses other people's lives on the internet.  Everyone is so eager to talk to people who are not in front of them and ask about their lives, but people can't talk to each other face to face.  Then, everybody goes to bed at the same time, after everyone brushes their teeth, of course. It's stupid.  You don't need 8 hours of sleep.  You don't need three meals a day at the same time everyday.  You don't have to watch the news in the morning and before you go to bed.  Why doesn't anybody try to live outside the box?

Nevermind.  No one is going to answer anyway.

Good night, or good morning, rather.