The Last Christmas Ornament......

I've spent the last few weeks being angry, if not furious, at life.  I'm angry about my circumstances and having to make some choices.  I'm angry because I want attention, and then some more attention.  I'm angry because I want to lose weight, but I'm always hungry and have no self discipline.  I've started smoking again and probably drink too much. There are times when I thought I could either jump out the window or claw off my skin.

And then, two things happened.  First, yesterday, I went stomping down the sidewalk.  I was trying not to hyperventilate and fighting not to cry.  I rounded the corner and almost ran over a homeless man.  "Whoa!", he said.  "Don't knock yourself down!"  Humph.  What just happened?  I plow into someone random, just walking down the street minding his own business, and he is concerned about me?  So, as I'm standing there on the sidewalk contemplating this, I look through the window of the U-Haul building next to me, and see a homeless man standing next to a locker that reminded me of one of those drawers at the morgue where you see them pull out the bodies on a crime scene show.  He was surveying his worldly possessions.  He had made a bed in this locker and has some toiletries and some clothes.  That was it. I was thinking, the building closes at 7.  So, then I started thinking he probably stores his stuff there during the day and sleeps on the street at night.  What kind of life is that?  My anger and problems suddenly diffused and came back into perspective.  So, the rest of the night, things were calm.

Today, I woke up, full of anxiety again.  I could feel my breath quickening and pulse starting to race.  I decided to take a shower to try to wash off my fears.  When I got out, I was bending down low to brush my teeth, and that's when I saw it.  The last ornament on the Christmas tree.  Let me explain......  Last year I had to sell my Christmas tree, because my apartment became infested with rats and they were living in my tree.  So when we moved this year, I was able to convince Roger to buy a miniature tree from the antique store.  It's very full and about 3 1/2' tall.  Well, after Christmas, I didn't have any place to store it, so I removed the ornaments and put it in my bathroom.

So, as I'm leaning over my sink, I see one last ornament, left behind on the underside of the tree.  And, I almost started crying, because I realized, that was me.  I was meant to sparkle and shine and be happy.  I love to sing and wiggle, and tell everyone "Good morning!!!!"  I like to do random favors for others and volunteer.  I like to laugh and joke and often leave people scratching their heads as I walk away.  But I don't care.  I'm meant to be happy.  Even if I'm the only ornament left on the tree.

So what if bad things happen to me or things don't go the way I wanted or anticipated?  Is there anyone amongst us that hasn't experienced the same?  That hasn't been disappointed?  So what?  Should I continue to walk through life stomping down the sidewalk, bowling people over?  So then the next decision is, do I do  what makes me happy in life and don't worry about the rest, or do I do what I'm supposed to do and go where I'm expected to go and act like I'm expected to act and find a way to be happy doing so?  Humph.

On a happy note, my husband bought us tickets to Depeche Mode (my favorite band ever) for Tampa in September.  I've always wanted to see them and this will probably be my lost opportunity.  I also splurged and bought their new CD last night.  Whoo whoo!

Today, is taxes day for me.  I will not cry, I will not cry, I will shine on.  I am a star in the sky, an ornament on the tree.................

Have a great Saturday.  I'll try to write again soon.

A Ghost Tour Pictorial

Roger and I had a super fun Friday night.  I got off work early, because our office was moving again.  So, we headed to my favorite city, the city where we got hitched-St. Augustine.  We decided to take a ghost tour.

There's many choices for ghost tours in the third most-haunted city in the United States, but we chose the Sheriff's Ghost Walk Tour this time. Our tour was lead by Sheriff Guy White.  This is a tour that he put together after pouring over newspapers and historical records for many months.  He's been doing the tour for 16 years.

 But prior to our tour, we had some time to kill, so we went to the oldest wooden school house in America.

This even cooler thing about this oldest school house is the fact that my ancestors attended the last class held in this school.  Here's the class roster.  My grandmother's family name is Capo.  I remember that Victoriano is a relative.  I'm not sure about the other Capo.

Here's a pic of my honey bunny at the wishing well in the garden.  He was probably wishing that I would hurry up and take the picture!

So, then night fell and the tour began!  Here's a pic of one of the non-bricked paved streets downtown.

So, we walked to historic houses and sights and graveyards while Sheriff White told us stories of history, scandals and death!  We took lots of pics, hoping to at least capture some orbs, but came up empty handed.

This is a pic from the Huguenot cemetery.  The little stone on the left is not an infant's stone, rather its a foot stone that marks the end of the grave.

We ended the tour just past the old entrance to the city.  Then, a ghost named Sally was supposed to pick the pretties woman on the tour, and she picked me!  The reward was a brilliant blue gem and diamond ring, which I'm sure is not a fake!  LOL!  Regardless, it was lots of fun. And later that night, we shared amazing pizza a the little pizzeria down the street.  (Yes, I added it to my stupid Weight Watchers points log....)

Thank you, Roger, for another fun adventure!

It's All Good In The Hood

I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything since last Wednesday.  I'm a slacker!!!!

Thursday and Friday of last week were uneventful.  Saturday, I tutored, then Roger and I went to see The Incredible Burt Wonderstone.  Ehhhhhhh.  It was o.k.  He always asks me if I want to stay and watch a second movie (without paying), but I'm always scared we'll get caught.  I've never heard on the news that someone got in trouble for watching two flicks, but with my luck, I'd be the first.  Can anyone offer any thoughts on this subject?  Should I do it?

Sunday, I indulged in a smidge too much alcohol in honor of St. Patrick.  But in all fairness, I busted ass in the guest room that somehow turned into my very messy closet.  I reorganized, hung clothes, sorted through tubs of stuff, yada yada yada...... That was a great reason to celebrate.  However, I don't think I'm going to list everything I drank on my Weight Watchers log, so I don't freak out the facilitator.  I don't think she would support me using all my points for liquids-with-a-kick!

Speaking of which, today is day 14 of my stupid diet.  I weigh in tomorrow.  As long as I lose a pound a week, I'll stick with it.

Well, I wish I had something exciting to post or share, but I don't.  Life's been a little boring lately.  Sorry.

Here's a song.  I ran across this video by accident.  Weird.....

It's Wednesday

Happy Wednesday!  Today I was extra lucky.  I came home and my Rogerini surprised me with tickets to Get the Led Out at the Florida Theater.  This is a band dedicated to performing Led Zeppelin songs, "just as they sound on the records."  They did a phenomenal job!  Even though I've never seen the real Led Zeppelin in concert, I've listened to their music enough to know their sounds.  And, when I closed my eyes, this band sounded identical.  There were 9 musicians who each contributed to re-creating the songs and the sound effects.  I never realized how some of the sounds were made.  Very entertaining.  And, the venue was beautiful.  Thank you, Roger, for such a nice surprise!  (And, my favorite LZ song is no longer Tangerine.  I haven't picked which one is my new favorite yet. What's yours?!!??!)

Today is day 9 of Weight Watchers.  I keep thinking I'm hungry, even though I can see on paper how much food I've consumed.  I'm doomed to be "gordita" forever.  Sometimes, I can't even look in the mirror.  This, coupled with the fact that my baby turns 19 this week, and I turn 40 this year is causing me a lot of anxiety.

I don't want to be middle aged, in debt, and living a mediocre life. (This excludes, of course, my wonderful marriage- which is the only thing that keeps me going.) What if I never do something extraordinary or spectacular?  What if I spend my whole life just getting by and living paycheck to paycheck.  What if I never loose weight, or get organized, or develop a skill or a talent or find a job that I love?  Sigh.....

Time to think of things for which I am thankful:

• I'm thankful for my husband
• I'm thankful for my son
• I'm thankful for my friends
• I'm thankful that I got to go to a concert
• I'm thankful it's cool outside and not hot and humid
• I'm thankful for my car
• I'm thankful for my grandparents
• I'm thankful for Law and Order 
• I'm thankful for Depeche Mode
• I'm thankful to live in a city where I can walk around and always see new things.

There- that's 10 reasons for me to be thankful.  I think I'll go to bed on that note.

Oh, two more thoughts before I forget.  I realized the other day that I've only ever seen one child in our building- a 10 or 11 year old who goes to Catholic school.  I mentioned this to Roger and he said he saw two the other day.  It's weird that I never see children anymore, except when I tutor.  The other thing I didn't realize I miss is birds.  The only birds I ever see are hawks that fly around the 42nd floor of the Bank of America building across from where I work.  The reason I now know that I miss birds is because Saturday night, when we slept with the homeless at the church, I was awakened by the sound of birds chirping in the middle of the night.  It was the strangest thing.  I realized that I hadn't heard birds in a long time.  And these birds were really living it up in the middle of the night!

Sweet dreams.  Here's a song.

Happy Monday

Roger and I had a great weekend!  Saturday I tutored, then did some shopping.  Saturday night, we were the chaperons at the church for the homeless.  Basically comfy indoor camping.  We watched movies and did some Internet surfing.  I about had a heart attack when I went in the kitchen for something to eat, because they had leftovers from dinner that included about 20 different kinds of cake.  That's alot of temptation for a fat girl on a diet.  Roger said that was God's way to encourage me to be strong.  Whatever.  I didn't even eat a single piece.

Then, the time changed.  Booo.  Time change sucks- just like Thanksgiving on a Thursday.  Who thinks these things up?

Roger also helped me frost my hair.  That was a barrel of laughs!  I put the cap on and pulled through what I could.  Then, I went in the living room to ask him if I got all the circles, which I didn't.  He tried to pull some hair through for me (while trying to watch his TV show), but that didn't work.  We finally managed a system where he put the tip of the puller on the hole, then I pulled the hair, and then he finished pulling it out.  Hairdressers we are not!

Sunday we decided to go to the beach.  First we headed to Atlantic Beach.  It was beautiful, but the water was ice cold.  On the way home, we decided to take the ferry, then ended up at Huguenot Park.  Talk about serene and isolated!  Across the way on one side was the Mayport Naval Base.  Then, on the other side of the beach was a jetty with lots of waves in surfers.  We ended up getting burnt!  I was craving sunshine.

So, today was back to the grind.  One good thing was my weigh in from my first week of Weight Watchers.  I lost 2.8 pounds.  I found a great group leader, so I'll be switching to her classes next week.  She gave me lots of good pointers and was very motivating.

Another good thing today was we got to see the Depeche Mode tour dates!  Concert- here we come!  We want to go see them in Tampa and Ft Lauderdale in September.  I can't wait.

Well, I hope you have a great week!  Check in again in a day or so!

My Neighbor is an Asshole

You know how I try to avoid being negative? Well, sometimes it helps when I speak my mind.  Like when Home Depot changed my credit rating after I outed them on my blog.  Or how UCF reversed a collection against Alex after I wrote letters to everyone and their brother about their screwy financial practices.  And sometimes, no one listens, but it just makes me feel better to rant.  So here's my rant.........

I live at the Metropolitan Lofts.  Moving here has been a pretty good experience.  Yes, we had to adjust to no doors, concrete floors, and lots of city noise.  But one thing to which I cannot adjust is my neighbor. His name is "Willizm".  I know this, because he left a note on my door once, written in pink, to invite us to one of his parties.  I've never seen him, but I hear him and all his friends at least once a week.  He has at least one party weekly, and sometimes more.  And, the parties are usually very late at night.  I frequently wake up to people shouting in the hallway.  It startles me every time, because I think something bad is happening.  Then, I wait two seconds and hear the familiar thump, thump, thump.  Sometimes the dishes rattle.

So, we started complaining.  When you pay $1,295 a month, you would think there are some rules.  We tried calling the concierge, the police and even the office manager.  The Metropolitan people put on their paid "concerned" front.  But nothing changes.

So, at midnight last night, I was thinking, gee, we'll write a letter giving notice that we want to move, but where are we going to go?  Then, I though, well, we'll request to be moved to another unit.  But what if we get another one of "those" neighbors.  If the office cannot or will not control our current neighbor, why would I think they would control anyone else?

The other issue at hand is safety.  We pay to have controlled access to our unit.  You have to have a key fob to get in the building and a key fob to use the elevator, which should only take you to your floor (and deny you access to the others).  Well, if "Willizm" has all these people over, where's the control?  What happens if some of his alcohol-frenzied friends get in a fight and something bad happens?

Plus there's the fact that we know he's friends with at least one employee (because we saw him going to his party with a beer).  So, what if the employee mentions that we are the ones who keep complaining, or what we drive?  What, if in retaliation, he decides to "share" the building's master key?  The possibilities are endless, and not so far-fetched in today's society.  Just turn on the news.

The same people who constantly smile, and say, "William?, he's such a quiet person!  I can't believe he'd be trouble,"  will be singing a different tune when something bad shows up on the news.

So I say this is bunk.  If you know "Willizm", tell him I think he's an asshole.  If you're thinking about moving to the Metropolitan Lofts, don't.  And since following proper procedures has resulted in no change in this situation, I am going to start fighting this my way.

That's it.  I'm done with my rant.

Yippeee!!

It's Friday!  It's fresh out.  It's pay day for me.  I woke up rested and happy.  Roger is in a cocoon next to me.  What more could a girl want!

Day 4 of Weight Watchers.  Yesterday was super easy. I hope I lose at least 2 pounds this week.

Yesterday Roger picked me up from work and we went for a nice long drive to Fernandina Beach / Amelia Island.  I had to laugh, because on the way we passed through Springfield, and he pointed out a vacant lot lot had about 10 cats and the name number of chickens and roosters.  Fun, and odd!

And while at lunch, I went for a walk downtown.  The weather was perfect.  I passed a statue of Andrew Jackson.  It never occurred to me that he's the person Jacksonville is named after!

I guess that's it.  I don't have much to share.

Have a great Friday!  Here's a song: